Week 7 Picks

My picks are in Italics

Rams vs Dolphins

The Miami Dolphins are so bad that even their once proud defense has fallen apart.

Which I love, because I’m still pouting over that time when former Dolphins QB Dan Marino stopped signing autographs when I was the next person in line.

Hope you’re loving this season, Dan. Ya JERK!

Vikings vs Titans

I’m not really sold on the Minnesota Vikings. They’ve played a very weak schedule and dropped the only game they played against a good team (Philly).

We finally have a season where I believe in the Titans, and how do they reward me? By disintegrating.

I still love Titans RB Chris Brown.

And I still believe that the Titans have what it takes to win this game. I just don’t believe that they are likely to pull it all together again this week. Two weeks ago they gave us a teaser glimpse of what they can do (in a 48 - 27 win vs the Packers in Green Bay).

Then they returned to Loser Land last week vs the mighty Houston Texans and I expect them to finish setting up house and get comfortable there this Week.

NJ Giants vs Lions

How crazy is this season? I’m actually keeping my fingers crossed that a Giants vs Lions game will be televised in my area.

Statistically the Detroit Lions are abysmal. They’ve still managed to find a way to win 3 out of 5 games.

I’m also a big fan of Lions QB Joey Harrington.

Sadly, I don’t see the Lions having the gas to get by the NJ Giants, who are a game better and statistically superior on both sides of the ball.

I still haven’t figured out what’s happened Giants RB Tiki Barber. Did he get into a stash of Underdog’s Secret Super Energy Pills?

Buccaneers vs Bears

This is the Please God Don’t Make Me Watch It game of the week.

I love Brian Griese. I doubt he entered the season with a bigger fan than me.

But these two teams have combined for a 2 - 9 record to this point in the season and the if the Chicago Bears have just one more injury they may have to start suiting up the coaching staff.


Chargers vs Panthers

The Chargers may not be quite as good as their record. But they’re winning against the teams they should and playing with more fire and toughness than anyone expected.

The Carolina Panthers, on the other hand, are doing just as poorly as I expected them to, though they have not fallen apart as a team.

I expect a very good game. But my love of former Charger greats QB Dan Fouts and TE Kellen Winslow have me taking up for the Bolts over those god-awful ugly Panthers uniforms.

These two teams match up very well. Expect one of the more exciting games of Week 7 action.

Colts vs Jaguars

I predicted that the Colts defense would be a disaster this season and I was right (31st overall). Thank you for noticing.

But I also predicted that it would be costing them games. So far, I’m eating crow and it looks like I get another helping this week.

My heart is saying, “Go Jags!”, but my stomach is already preparing for another upheaval.

May P. Money wake up with the Mother of All Hemorrhoids on Sunday morning!

Ravens vs Bills

I don’t like the Ravens. I especially don’t like their head coach, Brian Billick.

And with Ravens RB Jamal Lewis out for this game the Bills have a decent chance to win, because the two teams are very close statistically.

The problem is that the Bills have QB Drew Bledsoe throwing the ball. That’s always good for a few picks and a handful of lost fumbles.

Chiefs vs Falcons

The Atlanta Falcons are the most fraudulent 5-1 team of this season. They’ve played a weak schedule and managed only one convincing win.

This week they play another team brought up from a local HS, the Kansas City Chiefs.

This time the HS kiddies win.

And will you Michael Vick fans finely shut up about how “exciting” he is?

Ok, ok, I suppose watching him run for his life week after week is exciting in a hound-flushing-pheasant kind of way.

NJ Jets vs Patriots

Am I the only one sick of hearing about how unbeatable the Patriots are?

Offensively they’re a mediocre team (12th overall). Defensively they stink (19th overall). And they’re coached by a no class jerk (yeah, I’m still upset over the whole Bernie Kosar thing).

They’re also statistically inferior to the NJ Jets and you can bet that QB Chad Pennington isn’t feeling intimidated.

Raiders vs Saints

I would rather stick an icepick in my eye than watch this game.

These are two teams on a mad rush to suck and they’ve both achieved that goal with admirable speed.

But the pansies in Black and Silver have the better D, even if they also have a QB (Kerry Collins) who cheerfully passes as many balls to the opposing team as to his own.

Seahawks vs Cardinals

My sadness for the Arizona Cardinals and their head coach, Dennis Green, cannot be measured.

If not for a rash of injuries they may well be fighting for the lead of the NFC West.

But sympathy doesn’t win football games.

Sorry, Denny.

Eagles vs Browns

With the 19th ranked running game and the 17th ranked defense, the Philadelphia Eagles are not as good as their 5-0 record makes them seem.

Their biggest advantages in this game are

1. Cleveland Browns head coach Butch Davis is an idiot.

And

2. The Browns are another team that has suffered a truckload of devastating injuries.

Packers vs Cowboys

This is another game I just don’t care about.

But the Green Bay Packers are not as sorry as their record indicates (at least not statistically), and if they can get just a modicum of effort out of their defense they should be able to pull this one off.

I’ve always been a fan of Cowboys QB Vinnie Testaverde and I have no great love for Packer QB Brett Favre.

But I DESPISE the Cow . . . boys (it’s so hard to not call them something else) and I will glory in their misery when they lose this one.

Now let’s hope that Bryan isn’t a reader of my weekly picks or we’ll be down a writer.

Monday Night

Broncos vs Bengals

Yeah, BayBEE!

Denver in prime time. Does it get any better?

Well, ok, sure the Cincinnati Bengals have given the Broncos fits the last several times these teams have played.

This is typically a letdown game for Denver and if you remember, former Bengals RB Corey Dillon once set the single game rookie rushing record vs Denver. I think it was for a gazillion or so yards.

Yes, yes, I just checked. It was a gazillion yards on the nose.

But come on, man, the Bengals just gave up 34 pts to the stinkin’ Browns.